Online Journal

Online Journal: http://www.blogigo.co.uk/HarlotMeretrixSite

Life On Hold?

Dear Reader, March 2nd, 2005

I am very sorry that I have not been keeping up with my websites, life has been very hecktick and frutrating for me during these past months. And I have not had acess to a computer. Now that I hope to beable to catch up with everything and you can catchup with everything in my life that you've missed out on by going to my online journal and reading my entries that I am typing up from the past month until now. Thank you for you understanding. Love Always, Harlot

Tsunami (And how you can help)

I'm sure you've heard about the tsunami, that struck Asia on sunday. If you would like to help here are some sites:

http://www.unicef.org/
http://www.savethechildren.org/

More On The True Identity Of Lemony Snicket

REAL NAME

Daniel Handler, 33.

PERSONAL

Married to graphic artist Lisa Brown. Grew up in San Francisco, where he lives now, after living for a time in New York. Mother, Sandra Handler, was a dean at City College; father, Lou Handler, was a CPA.

EDUCATION

Attended San Francisco's Hoover Middle School in early 1980s, where he was voted class clown, best personality, friendliest and most admired. Graduated from Lowell High School and from Wesleyan University in Middletown, Conn., in 1992.

What he was like as a kid

"I was the sort of kid that was funny enough that I wouldn't get beat up."

OTHER BOOKS

"The Basic Eight" (1999), an adult novel, based on a real event, about a high school student who beats someone to death. Also, "Watch Your Mouth" (2000), definitely not for kids, about a college student and his girlfriend and her family, a parody of an opera and a 12-step program.

WHERE `LEMONY SNICKET' CAME FROM

Handler told National Public Radio's Terry Gross, "I was researching the first of two novels that I've published under my own name, the first novel, "The Basic Eight," and I needed to contact for research purposes some right-wing political organizations and religious groups, and I wanted material mailed to me, but I didn't want to be on their mailing list, for obvious reasons. And so someone asked me, `So what is your name?' And I opened my mouth and out popped the words `Lemony Snicket.' "

Handler told Gross that he had not consciously intended for the name to sound like Jiminy Cricket, whom he called "exactly the kind of overly moralistic, cheerful narrator who I despise."

THOUGHTS, POST-9/11, ON WRITING CHILDREN'S BOOKS WITH UNHAPPY EVENTS

In a piece Handler wrote for The New York Times (reprinted in The Observer on Oct. 31, 2001): "It is natural now to wonder how some people can do terrible things, how we can stay strong when something terrible could happen to us at any moment, whether it is right to inflict horror on other people because it has been inflicted on us. The answers are unlikely to be found in stories that ignore rather than acknowledge these questions.

"Stories can offer a truth -- that real trouble cannot be erased, only endured -- that is more soothing to me than any determinedly cheerful grin."

WRITING HABIT

Uses a laptop computer at a desk that used to be a doctor's examining table, sometimes for inspiration turning on melodramatic cliffhanger music from old radio shows.

OTHER TALENTS

Plays accordion.

QUOTE

"You never love a book the way you love it when you're 10. It's a blessing to be a part of that."

Visit www.DanielHandler.com for more information and pictures of The "Fake" Lemony Snicket.

Lemony Snicket Is A Cover-Up!

First of all "Lemony Snicket" is not your average author, for one, people don't know much about him and what we do know is that he is very strange (or unique), and his past is very dark and sad. (Much like the Baudelaire’s) Lemony Snicket is just a pen name; his real name is Daniel Handler. Daniel has researched his family roots in great detail and has found that he has roots of his family in a part of the world that is now under water, in other words Daniel Handler’s ancestors are from Atlantis. If you have ever seen a videotape of him, they are usually short and don't get good footage of his face. (Along with photographs of him) This is for a very good reason… Handler doesn't like being seen. The love of his life was a girl named Beatrice. Sadly she died, but before she died she wrote a two hundred-page book about why she couldn't marry him. He said that he liked the fact that she wrote a book, instead of her simply just telling him why, because he could read it over and over. At the beginning of all of his books he dedicates them to Beatrice along with a comment about her death. When Daniel was a kid he had a normal life, he had lots of friends, he loved his parents, and had a great girl friend. Not any more. After Beatrice's death he’s reduced himself to what he is now.

Lemony Snicket's Dedications:

The Terrible Dedications That Lemony Snicket Puts In His books

BOOK 1) Darling, Dearest, Dead.

BOOK 2) My love for you shall live forever, you, however, did not.

BOOK 3) I would much prefer it if you were alive and well

BOOK 4) My love flew like a butterfly, Until death swooped down like a bat

As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said: "that's the end of that."

BOOK 5) You will always be in my heart, In my mind, And in your grave

BOOK 6) When we met my life began. Soon afterward, your's ended.

BOOK 7) when were together I felt Breathless. Now, you are.

BOOK 8) Summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you is even colder

Dedications come from Lemony Snicket's books.

More About “The Truth Of Lemony Snicket”:

If you're hoping to read an article about an author's uplifting stories of cute little children, loving families and cuddly animals, read no more. This is not that piece, and you should click over to the nearest "Chicken Soup for the Soul" Web site to assuage your disappointment. If, however, you want to read an article about a person who writes books about the terrible things that happen to a group of siblings who lost their parents to a horrible fire and must stay on the move to escape the clutches of an evil madman with one eyebrow and a mysterious tattoo on his leg, you've come to the right place. And you're probably not alone. Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" -- the ongoing story of the Baudelaire orphans, their pursuit by the nefarious Count Olaf, and the bizarre places and people they encounter on the way -- has continued its success in the very competitive children's book marketplace. In the past few months, as many as six books in the nine-book series -- including the latest, the offshoot "Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography" (HarperCollins) -- have been on The New York Times children's books bestseller list at once. The next one in the series, "The Carnivorous Carnival," is due in October. Behind the books is the mysterious Snicket, a shadowy character who hides his face in author photos, mourns his beloved Beatrice and believes he's duty-bound to set down the stories of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. And behind the mysterious Snicket is one Daniel Handler, 32, a fiendishly clever author with a taste for Victorian gothic settings, dark comedy and literary references that helps his books appeal to adults as much as children. The feel and pacing of the books -- with titles such as "The Vile Village" and "The Miserable Mill" -- bring to mind the work of Edward Gorey, the writer and illustrator known for the gloomily hilarious "The Gashlycrumb Tinies," an alphabetical tale of 26 children's dreadful demises. Handler says that's no accident. "It would be difficult to overstate how much I loved Edward Gorey as a child," he says in an e-mail interview. "The first book I bought with my own money was Gorey's 'The Blue Aspic,' and certainly his ambiguous Victorianisms have become permanent fixtures in my brain." Handler also credits Roald Dahl and Zilpha Keatley Snyder as influences in his youth.

Literary allusions

Handler didn't intend to be a children's book author. The San Francisco native describes himself in his biography as having had "a relatively uneventful life," one that includes writing two books for adults, "The Basic Eight" and "Watch Your Mouth." The name Lemony Snicket was born while writing "The Basic Eight." Handler was calling right-wing groups for research and when asked for his name by one organization, he suddenly replied, "Lemony Snicket." ("I have no idea where it came from," he told Entertainment Weekly.) When he decided to rework a mock-gothic novel called "A Series of Unfortunate Events," the name -- by then a standing joke between Handler and his friends -- was dusted off for service. The novels' adult appeal is readily apparent. They're packaged cleverly, like 19th-century dime novels (complete with ragged-edge pages, an "Ex Libris" notation on the inside front page, and appropriate illustrations -- creations of HarperCollins designer Alison Donalty and series illustrator Brett Helquist), and they're chock-full of literary allusions. Besides the Baudelaires (after the 19th-century French poet), there's their clueless banker, Mr. Poe; an eye doctor named Georgina Orwell; the cosmopolitan couple Jerome and Esme Squalor; a school named Prufrock Preparatory; and a Detective Dupin. Moreover, the enterprising orphans, each of whom has a particular skill, often tap into books to solve their crises. "I thought it would be interesting to have the books take place in a world which is entirely governed by books, from the crucial information the Baudelaires discover in libraries to the names of literature's more notorious depressives popping up with (I hope) disturbing frequency," says Handler.

Credit to the reader

Handler intends to write 13 Lemony Snicket books, by the end of which the books' many secrets should be revealed. He pretty much knows his path. "Although much of the books is sketched out, I've left myself plenty of room to improvise to avoid boredom," he says. "The problem will not be coming up with plots -- the problem will be having too many plots left over." As it is, there's no sign of the books' popularity waning. Live readings by Handler are inevitably met by throngs of youngsters, and he knows how to put on a show. "Daniel's performance is so hysterical, so over the top," Kansas City, Missouri, bookstore owner Deb Pettid told The New York Times Magazine in 2001. "He gets the kids in a frenzy and yet has them in complete control." No doubt many readers are fond of the teacherish tone Handler employs in the series, in which complicated words are given humorous (if accurate) definitions and lessons on ingenuity are gently passed along. "A mock-didactic tone seems to come naturally to me, although I think it does serve as a parody -- not just of Victorian children's books, but of the sure-footed, long-winded, wrong-sighted tone that one hears so often from the mouths of adults," he says. But he gives full credit to his young readers, whom he treats as intelligent individuals. He bristles when told of a recent NPR report that asserted that children aren't reading much besides the bestsellers, mainly the Snicket books, Captain Underpants, Harry Potter, and one or two others. "Children, like adults, have individual relationships with reading, and I always find it tiresome when people seek to speak about children in large, general terms," he says. He suggests concerned parents and officials increase educational budgets and provide teachers with large salaries -- not to mention actually reading to their own children. "If one is concerned with the habits of one's own children," he says, "one should read a lot, every night, not only to one's child but also silently to oneself. "My parents often let the phone ring unanswered when they were reading," he says, "and I have followed their example."

Lemony Snicket (UPDATE)

I saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events yesterday, and I must say it was quite a good film. But there's one down side... It doesn't go by the books. It completely skips Book the Sixth, The Ersatz Elevator. When they lived in the Squalor's (Penthouse) Apartment at 667 Dark Avenue. Also, in the movie it shows the Baudelaire’s bringing their Aunt Josephine to the market, and they bump into “Captain Sham”. Then they go back to find that Aunt Josephine has thrown herself out the window, or has she? But in the book, The Wide Window, When they come home from the market they do not discover that Aunt Josephine has descended into the depths of Lake Lachrymose until much later. When they come home (from the market), they are surprised because the phone rings and Violet picks it up. (It’s Captain Sham), She hangs up and says that it was someone asking for some dance school. Then the phone rings again and Aunt Josephine picks up, because she dares herself to. She said that it must not be that dangerous if Violet used it and survived. (Because Aunt Josephine is terrified of everything!) Some more stuff happens, and a while into the book they find that the gigantic window, overlooking Lake Lachrymose is shattered and that their dear Aunt Josephine had jump out and left them (the three Baudelaire children) to Captain Sham. But, Klaus relies that the suicide note is not a suicide note at all, it’s a message. Klaus realized, while reading the letter that there are grammatical errors in it. All Aunt Josephine cared about was grammar, so why would she miss spell words in her suicide note? He corrects the spelling errors, and takes each letter from it (For example Aunt Josephine said in the letter “as cold as Ike”. So Klaus knew she meant as cold as ice, and took the “c” from it. So he did with every other miss spelt word.) And he came up with “Curdled Cave”, which was Aunt Josephine’s hiding spot. She hadn’t really thrown herself out the window, she faked her death. Because when she picked up the phone that night, it was Captain Sham. He told her that the orphan’s where telling the truth, that day at the market. He really is Count Olaf…

Tie-Dyed Poinsettias Hit The Market

Forget the red poinsettias. Now, you can deck the halls in purple, peach, or even tie-dyed. Oregon's largest producer of poinsettias is offering the traditional Christmas plant in multiple colors. The dye is permanent. It's a mixture of ethanol and special pigment that is actually beneficial to the plant, said Sherrie Lewis, who manages the annuals department of the Johnson Brothers Greenhouse. The dyed plants cost about a dollar or two more than the nursery's selection of red, white and hybridized poinsettias, and so far sales have been pretty small. "We must have sold at least 300 or so of the blue," Lewis said. The dyed poinsettias have been popular for years in Europe, but have been slow to catch on in the United States.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

A Must see movie, is now out in theaters! Based on the book series by Lemony Snicket, The movie "A Series of Unfortunate Events" is terrifyingly funny. I've been reading the books for about a year now, and I also listen to them on audiocasset when I sleep. (Tim Curry Performs the books on some of the audiocassets and Lemony Snicket on others.) They sometimes bring godawful nightmares to my little head. But, I can't stop. They are such good stories. I have to hear them all till the end, I have to find out what happens to the Baudelaire orphans. If you are interested in reading the book series, here are the names of the books in order:

The Bad Beginning (Book The First)
The Reptile Room (Book The Second)
The Wide Window (Book the Third)
The Miserable Mill (Book the Fourth)
The Austere Academy (Book the Fifth)
The Ersatz Elevator (Book the Sixth)
The Vile Village (Book the Seventh)
The Hostile Hospital (Book the Eighth)
The Carnivorous Carnival (Book the Ninth)
The Slippery Slope (Book the Tenth)
The Grim Grotto (Book the Eleventh)

Movie Review- A Series of Unfortunate Events

The macabre, multi-million-selling children's books about three ill-fated orphans arrives on the big screen. Starring Jim Carrey, Meryl Streep and Billy Connolly

In the devilishly dour language of narrator Lemony Snicket (Law), Violet (Browning), Klaus (Aiken) and Sunny (the Hoffman twins) Baudelaire are the "three clever and reasonably attractive orphans" whose woes are only just beginning when their parents die in a house fire. After being told of this first "extremely unfortunate event" by Mr Poe (Spall), the useless executor of their parents' will, they're whisked away to live with the evil Count Olaf (Carrey), a whiskery ogre whose approach to childcare tends towards the unorthodox. Making children houseslaves, or leaving them in a locked car on a level crossing - as a steam train chugs oppressively down the track - suggests a guardian more motivated by inheritance money than care and concern. And so it turns out, as the children spend the film trying to flee his murderous clutches, using Violet's knack at invention, Klaus' knowledge of books and baby Sunny's two-tooth bite to break free. Adapted from the books that have sold 27 million copies in 30 countries, Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events is a gorgeous evocation of a very macabre world. A brooding set of landscapes takes its cues from Victorian austerity, German Expressionism and Edward Gorey's drawings; every scene is tinted in sepia browns, charcoal greys, dull silvers, and muted blues. This palette suits the film's wilfully sinister character, a mood that all great children's literature - from the Grimm brothers to Roald Dahl to JK Rowling - relishes. A primary-coloured prelude about happy children's tales is cut short by the first of the doom-laden monologues from Lemony Snicket. The viewer is warned to leave their cinema or airplane if they're expecting cheer and joy. Law's delivery is perfect, his English phrasing sounding delicious around such rakish sentences as "there is no good moment, of course, for a notorious villain to arrive". After the children's first escape from Count Olaf, they're sent to live with their Uncle Monty (Connolly), a lovable, if eccentric, folk-singing snake fanatic (watch out for the scenes in his snake room - and be prepared for some frights). During their stay there, clues start to emerge about why the Baudelaires' parents died. More surface when they stay in leech-infested Lake Lachrymose with Aunt Josephine (Streep), a former lion-tamer who's now scared of fridges and doorknobs. Sadly, these clues are never fully developed, and it's unsatisfying that this thread isn't tied up. Carrey's Count also weakens the narrative. Reprising the same act he used in The Mask and The Grinch, Carrey's overblown shtick feels tired and listless. He's proved he's a talented actor in straight roles in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind and The Truman Show, but his comic persona is embarrassingly one-dimensional. Such hamminess aside, Lemony Snicket is entertaining as well as being beautiful to look at, and blessed with some inspired touches. The subtitling of baby Sunny's gurgles, Count Olaf's gothic gang and the young leads Emily Browning and Liam Aiken - especially opposite the brilliant performances by Connolly and Streep - are all things to savour.

Verdict- Despite a stalled storyline and Carrey's irritating tyrant, Lemony Snicket is a gloriously gloomy treat for wicked adults and children. A feast for the eyes and a host of shocks for the nerves.

The Cast-

Klaus Baudelaire: Liam Aiken
Violet Baudelaire: Emily Browning
Lemony Snicket: Jude Law
Count Olaf: Jim Carrey
Mr. Poe: Timothy Spall
Uncle Monty: Billy Connolly
Aunt Josephine: Meryl Streep
Director: Brad Siberling

must see site: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/lemony_snickets/
(click on the note that says "Is this website official? Click here to find out!")

What Do You Think About Tipping?

Should you tip your mail carrier? If so, how much? If it's a child verses an adult, who should get tipped more or would they both be tipped the same amount? Do you think you should tip your waiter/waitress 15% or 20%, or should it be less/more? Should you give a small token gift once a year to your mail carrier, trash/recycling people? Tell me what you think at HarlotMeretrix@netscape.net.

House Of Harlot

If you have never heard of "House Of Harlot" before, you are really missing out. I must warn you that it is inaproriate for people under the age of 18, but it is a must see site. They are known for having the top designers and manufactures of the world's finest rubber and leather fetish apperal. I know, this might sound a bit ocward, or kinky but if you check there site out, I bet you'll think it's really hot (and possible want to purchase some). I first found out about it from Dita Von Teese, and her signifigant other Marilyn Manson. They wear stuff from the House of Harlot, and boy does it look good on them! It is so unique and amazingly awsome! I just don't know how to describe it. Some of their costumes remind me of those from James St. James' Party Monster & Disco Bloodbath. If you'd like to check out the House of Harlot for yourself, please do... at www.house-of-harlot.com

To Gwen Stafani

Have you read the article in the January 2005 issue of Seventeen Magazine, on Gwen Stefani? Well, if you have then you might understand what I have to say (to Gwen). I just have to let it out, it’s been locked up inside for so long. And after reading the article in Seventeen Magazine, I can finally let it out… I always knew that you’d float off from No Doubt and become a solo artist. I remember the first time I saw you, in the music video for “Don’t Speak” and you where wearing that navy blue dress with white polka dots, and daringly dark red lip liner. Even though you guys are so close there’s always been tension. I could just always tell that you where meant to be apart from them. Maybe not completely, but at least as a side project. When you are with the band you don’t get your message out. But when you are a solo act you sure get the job done. And your long-time, dedicated fans have loved it. The best part is, you’ve been gaining new fans at the same time. That means more people to listen to what you have to say, and that can relate with your message. Whatever you decide to do, I know that you’ll do a fantastic job on it. And myself, as well as many of your other fans support you 100% along the way. –Harlot Meretrix

My Message To Paris Hilton

I am well aware that Paris feels she needs to get "new" boobs, (I've read many articles on the subject.) But I feel she is still quote "Hott" the way she is. Paris will always be sexy, no matter what size her breasts are. It is very hard sometimes for girls to realize that they look amazing, or have natural beauty a mirror can play tricks on you sometimes, and so can cameras. But I'm sure she'll realize that eventually, if she has not already. She doesn’t need a boob-job to win over American; she's already won over the world with what she has. –Harlot Meretrix

Does Your Family Celebrate?

How does your family celebrate the holidays? Do you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, La Virgen De Guadalupe, Nachimientos, Las Posadas, or another way of celebration? What are some of your family’s traditions? Or does your family not celebrate? Tell me, I'm all ears and very interested in knowing what you and your family does when this time of year comes around…. (E-mail your stories to me at HarlotMeretrix@netscape.net)